How To Kill A Tree

How To Kill A Tree

Are trees bad?

The way some home owners and tree companies treat trees, you might think that trees are evil, and should be destroyed! They are often treated poorly by people claiming to love and cherish them, and by those who's job it is to protect, care for, and preserve them.

If you think that trees are bad things, and should be eliminated from your property, but fear the scorn of the neighborhood if you just cut them down, let me give you some advice on how to kill trees while appearing to be caring for them.

Trees, being the evil, and dangerous things they are, should be destroyed, so, your mission is this: Destroy something that it took you and nature years of cooperation to produce! We will accomplish this by the following means:

Topping

Topping, or, it is sometimes said, to pollard a tree, is a great way to kill a tree at a moderate speed! It will take the trees life just slowly enough to barely be detected, and fast enough to get it out of the way in plenty of time so that the grandchildren don't have to see the hideous thing. Let's just whack off the top, wherever we like, and leave it open for disease, that will cause the limbs to die back to a healthy branch, and let water seep into it, to rot it. Then there will be a new flush of young, poorly arranged, badly connected shoots, to invite in more disease and fungus.

Use poor pruning techniques

A slower death can be brought about by a more subtle approach.

Leave stubs and nubs

When thinning the limbs, don't cut back to a lateral branch, just leave a few inches sticking out to rot and prevent healing. As this nub slowly rots away, we can invite more water, and disease into the main part of the adjoining limb, causing it to eventually rot, causing the next limb to rot...

Make ragged cuts

When you prune, make sure that you don't support the limbs, or make the cut in 2 or 3 segments, this will allow the bark to be pulled away from the area around the cut. This will stop the flow of nutrients to the area, drying it out, and then allowing more more water to settle in pockets inside the bark. This water will allow for the build up of fungus, and keep the wound from healing This is another great way to invite in disease.

Use pruning paint

If you happen to accidentally make a proper cut in the proper place, don't worry, just spray on some petroleum based products, to keep it from healing or callousing over. The best product for this is a cleverly miss-named product known as pruning paint.This will really fool the neighbors.

The right way to prune

Well, I think you get the picture. I have worked in this industry for many years, and it still amazes me. I see it all the time, being done by "professionals" who should know better. The odd thing to me is that it is self evident, and yet, people persist in doing it. All that needs to be done to prove my thesis, is to look at the results! Take a walk around your block, and look at the trees in the neighborhood. The truth of what I have said will be obvious.

For tips on the right way to prune see: Tree Care Tree Pruning | Pruning Your Trees

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